I’m always raising the bar higher for myself than for others.
Ch: How helpful is that really?
Not very helpful, no.
Ch: What would happen if you would allow yourself the space that you allow others already?
Someone said that I’m playing small. I can see that, I will let myself be stopped by all kinds of fears.
Ch: So you are aware of how you are holding back.
But I also feel the yearning to make myself visible!
Ch: And you listened to it by coming forward to discuss this subject!
Shall we try something out?
How are you sitting here? Just be aware of your spine.
It seems a little slumped. The function of your spine is to keep your body upright. Allow it to do that for you. It loves to do that for you.
Then you can experience a kind of pride, a kind of stateliness. Feel inside how that is for you, when your body is sitting like this. What I see is that it takes up more space now. And that this doesn’t take an enormous amount of effort. Or does it?
No, but I find this more scary.
Ch: That’s okay, I get that, but just tell me how it feels on the inside.
It feels big.
Ch: It feels exactly as big as you are. Now go back to the position you were sitting in before. That’s comfortable, that’s what you’re used to, just like a pair of old, worn-out slippers. How’s this for you?
It seems more safe, this slumped position, but not big.
Ch: Exactly. Now that you know these two positions, you can begin to realize: ‘Wait a minute, in that stately position there is more of me.’ Which is very different from over-straining – that would be uncomfortable.
How does it feel on the inside?
Actually it feels scary, and at the same time it feels good to take up space. But I’m so not used to this.
Ch: Let’s give ourselves time to get used to anything that at first we tend to call scary. For you’re also saying that it feels good!
Imagine an enthusiastic child that is very nervous about something and at the same time it can’t wait for it to happen. Both feelings are present, but its enthusiasm is usually stronger, and then whoa, off it goes…!!
I can see more color in your face and a big smile is appearing.
Let’s do an experiment: go back to your previous position.
It almost feels sad.
Ch: (laughs) Now you can ask yourself once in a while: ‘Where am I at, inside?’ That expresses itself in your body position. ‘Could I give myself a loving push?’ Not towards over-straining, but towards being present.
A felt presence.
Ch: Yes, a presence where nothing more needs to be done.
I definitely feel a great difference. I’m present!! How wonderful!!
Ch: And you give yourself space to get used to the fact that this presence is your natural state.
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